It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby turtle » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:43 am

Oh no.... I am so very sorry.

That was so quick and what a horrible choice you had to make. But you could not let her suffer. I know, I have been thru it too.... It hurts so much, it just takes your breath away and closes down your world.

Ella, you were a lucky dog and were very loved. RIP pretty girl.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby nic » Thu Jun 03, 2010 2:28 am

Oh God,I am so very sorry.
Ella was very lucky to live with your family and know the love you had for her.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby mi2ni3 » Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:33 am

I am so sorry :sad:

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby Jazzy » Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:30 am

Rebecca I am so so sorry for your loss.

As hard of a decision as it was to make; you put Ella first and did what was best for her.

When we are sick and suffering, it is a blessing to receive the gift of peace.

Ella will always be a part of you.

If you need anything at all, please know I am here for you.


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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby chewbecca » Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:30 am

oh god.

This hurts soooo bad.
Am I ever NOT going to hurt?

Am I ever not going to wake up at 3 am and sob uncontrollably for an hour?

I feel like someone ran me over with a mack truck 8237849 times, and is sucking my soul out of me.

My throat hurts from crying so much.
I cannot sleep more than a few minutes at a time because some memory of Ella will have me in tears.

This is so hard, guys.
It's sooo hard.

You know, I tell myself over and over and over again that we made the best decision for her. We did.
But then the question goes through my mind of, "Was it the right time? Did she already suffer too much? Was it too soon???"
Because it was horribly too soon for me.
I was not ready to let her go.

And I want her back.

So, when does knowing we did the right thing by her catch up with and trump my personal pain of missing her?

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby BighornTermite » Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:47 am

Wow. I'm so very very sorry.

For what it's worth, I think that what will trump your grief, eventually, is the realization that all the joy Ella brought you over the years was totally worth the pain you're feeling now.

Again, I'm so sorry.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby Misskiwi67 » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:03 am

As someone who does a lot of euthanasia, I honestly think your timing was as good as it possibly could have been. All the treatment options that were fair considering her condition were tried, and she wasn't responding. As hard as it is for you, for Ella, even a day too early is better than a day too late... and I honestly believe you didn't know sooner, and you didn't wait any longer. Your timing was perfect for Ella, there is never/rarely a good time for the owners.

Don't be afraid to grieve, you lost your best friend, and its going to hurt, and its OK, and only time will heal these wounds.

If you need someone to talk to about grief, more specifically the loss of your beloved Ella, Iowa State has a pet loss support hotline where you can talk to trained veterinary students and staff about what you're going through and how to cope. There are other support hotlines out there too, google can help :D

(888) 478-7574; Iowa State University School of Veterinary Medicine - Ames, IA. Hours of operation: September-April: 7 days a week, 6:00- 9:00 p.m. CST, May-August: Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 6:00-9:00 p.m. CST

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby chewbecca » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:15 am

What do I do with this empty house when my kids are gone and Ben is at work?
Sure, I have my geckos, my tortoise, and my mice. But my shadow is gone.

The thing that helps assure me that we made the right decision (besides the other factors), is that I had this silly song I used to sing to Ella (this is kind of embarrassing) that kind of went with one of her nick names.
And whenever I used to sing this song to her, she'd grab her orbee, wag her tail, and it was time to play!

But lately, I'd go up to her and sing the song, and she wouldn't even get off the bed. She'd barely look at me.

I know we did right by her, and I know I'll see her again (but I want to see her NOW!), and I know I'm grieving.

Sorry, guys, forgive me if I have emotional diarrhea of the finger tips right now.
It gives me a few moments of clarity, and a break from crying, to post about this.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby Amie » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:18 am

Type all you need.

And honey, your shadow isn't gone -- she's just a lot harder to see. It's been almost seven years and I still see my heart cat around corners, or lying on the bed at dusk. They don't leave us, not really.

I can't even begin to tell you how many people are crying for you, but I can promise you that you are not even a tiny, tiny bit alone.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby Ilovethepits » Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:52 am

I am so sorry for you and your family Rebecca and the pain you are feeling. Please know that I am sobbing with you. I know that sounds trite as I don't even really know you BUT I feel I do know you and knew Ella through all your wonderful stories and pictures. Be gentle with yourself.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby ilikelily » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:34 am

:cry: All of my thoughts are with you. :hug:

Whatever you need Rebecca, feel free to call or PM.
I am so sorry, my heart breaks with you.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby WackyJacki » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:35 am

Type type type if it helps and don't feel bad about it. Grieve away. You will always miss her, but the pain will ease with time and be replaced with awesome memories that make you smile.

You are so selfless and did right by her. You gave her a wonderful life and a peaceful passing. Such a gift.

Your love was so well conveyed that you have a ton of people, who have never even met her, crying our eyes out! (and here I go again!)


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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby Beowulf » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:45 am

That's what we're here for! Type all you want. MissKiwi is right - one day too soon is so much better than one day too late.

Ella never, ever doubted that you loved her. And you made the ultimate sacrifice. A lot of people hang on to their animals way too long, not for the animal's sake, but because THEY can't bear to let them go. You did the right thing.

I still feel my heart dog, Ripper, that I lost in 2000. He's still here with me. I can feel him. Some times more than others.

Hang in there Rebecca. :hug: :hug: :hug:

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby CSilverman89 » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:49 am

Rebecca, if you still have my number, feel free to call me.
If not, you can always ask for it.

I know you need time to grieve, but if the pain ever gets to much, sometimes it helps to just share it.
And we ALL are sharing it.
Ella has touched SO MANY lives, and most of us never even met her face to face, or gave those wonderful ears some loving. But it's as if we all know her, through you.

I know how much you loved her, every time we've spoken, every picture posted, every story told. She is not gone, they are never gone. Now it's just her turn to watch over you.

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Re: It's Lymphoma Large Cell Type.

Postby haircrazie016 » Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:01 am

this breaks my heart, I can feel your pain from your words, and I so badly want to be able to squeeze you, and cry with you, and show you how much someone youve never met cares about you, and ella. I am soo sorry Rebecca! :hug:

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